["No Chance in Hell" hits and Triple H comes out, dressed as Vince McMahon. He walks down to the ring, mocking Vince's signature strut.]
Triple H: Alright, cut my music! Tonight, my son Shane McMahon and I, are going to beat the holy hell out of D-Generation X. But until then, I am going to stand here and... ramble incoherently for absolutely no reason. What D-Generation X did to me last week...It was...well it was embarrassing. It was more embarrassing than when...TRIPLE H Pedigreed me right in the middle of this ring, exposing my doughy white alabaster keister to the world. It was more embarrassing than when... SHAWN MICHAELS... beat me within an inch of my life, on the grandest stage of them all... WREEEESTLEEEMAAANIAAAAA!!!! And quite frankly, it's more embarrassing than...than... well than the XFL.
You see D-Generation X last week, brought me a rooster; The implication being, that I love c*cks. Well I don't! What I love... is great men. Men who are pioneers. Men like my good friend at NBC, di*k Ebersol. Men like the Vice President of the United States of America, di*k Cheney. Or that great entertainer. What's his name...the uhh, the guy that is almost as old as I am... Oh, di*k Clark! What I am getting at people, is that...I, Vincent Kennedy McMahon...love... di*ks. Yes! That's right! I said it!
I...LOVE...di*kS! I love 'em all, and I don't discriminate either! I like big ones, I like small ones! I like fat ones, I like skinny ones! I like long ones! I like short ones! I like white ones! I like black ones! Hell I'll even do an Asian! I just can't...get...enough...di*kS. And I will be the first one to tell you right now, that anyone, ANYONE, that gets between me and my di*ks, well then... YOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIII…[Coughs]ERRRRRRRRED!
["Here Comes The Money" plays and Shawn Michaels arrives dressed as Shane McMahon, imitating Shane's dancing]
Shawn Michaels: Dad! What're you doing?! I'm your son! The product of your semen! See! [takes out a business card] It even says so on my business card. [continues dancing] Dad! I've tried to be supportive of you with this whole thing, well mostly 'cause, when you die which, honestly I'm hoping isn't far off... The whole McMahon empire! It'll be mine, mine, all mine! Muahahahaha! [continues dancing]
Triple H: Son... son... Are you mildly retarded? [Shawn stands pensive for a while ... and continues dancing] But Shane-O, Shane-O, you got it all wrong, son. You see, when I pass, I'm not gonna leave my money to you. When I pass, I'm gonna leave all my money to my beautiful daughter Stephanie... and-and whoever that guy is that knocked her up. You know, there's something about that guy. I mean, I like to say my semen is powerful; But that guy, oh my god he must have a ba-ZOO-ka....
Shawn Michaels: Whoa Whoa Ah Ah! ... No way Dad, no way… You tried to leave up money to Stephanie and… and… [Dances] … WHAM, WOO WHAM WHAM!! Dad! This is about DX! At WrestleMania, Shawn Michaels took this face! And shoved it! [points to Triple H's rump] UP THAT KEISTER! C'mon dad, just give me one more chance at Shawn Michaels and I'll...I'll... WHAM, WOO WHAM WHAM!!! [Dances] … C'mon dad, I won't lie to ya, I'm getting a little excited. So excited I could just... just...DAAAAAAAAAAAANCE...! [continues dancing]
Triple H: Oh now please son, please don't dance...
Shawn Michaels: LOOK AT ME DAD, I'M DANCING DAD, I'M DANCING!
Triple H: STOP IT!!!!!!! [Steps between Shawn's dancing around, causing him to fall shocked to the mat] Now you know as well as I do Shane, that when you come out here and do stuff like this I have to try to out do you! That's the way it works! Well tonight is no different! You wanna play pal?! Huh?! You wanna dance?! Well then YOU, and everybody else...had better... Stand back!
[Footage of Vince McMahon's extremely embarrassing performance of "Stand Back" from the 37th Annual Slammy Awards plays on the Titantron and DX dances wildly before the real McMahons show up with the Spirit Squad and finish the parody]